dream date: we get chinese food delivered, it’s raining, i take a shower in your shower (it must be a nice shower with good water pressure), you let me wear your clothes after i shower, you have a cat that i can pet, we watch movies, i fall asleep in your bed for like fifteen hours, you fall in love with me
It really bothers me when I see posts like ‘I wish I was asexual and aromantic because I hate having feelings!’ Like, no. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare fucking say that asexual aromantic people don’t have feelings. That’s not ok, and it’s extremely harmful and honestly it makes me feel like shit.
I asked my ex, now good friend, if she would ever have an open relationship and she said, “No, I don’t think I could do that” then after a pause and a smile, “but what about love affair friendships?” She went on to describe an impenetrable fortress of female friendship, her own group of best mates who’d known each other since school and had supported and loved each other through almost all of their lifetimes. They sounded far more bonded to, and in love with one another, than their respective husbands. It struck me that we don’t have the language to reflect the diversity and breadth of connections we experience. Why is sex the thing we tend to define a relationship by, when in fact it can be simple casual fun without a deep emotional transaction? Why do we say “just friends” when, for some of us, a friendship goes deeper? Can we define a new currency of commitment that celebrates and values this? Instead of having multiple confusing interpretations of the same word, could we have different words? What if we viewed our relationships as a pyramid structure with our primary partner at the top and a host of lovers, friends, spiritual soul mates, colleagues, and acquaintances beneath that?